Cats with knives.

Sex good? I don't know yet.

but it only works if 4 people are having sex lol

how many hands you got

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

allow me illustrate you

that’s still four people

i truly can’t make this any clearer

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

don’t know what you’re on about. will smith and slightly wider blue will smith have been married for years. they’re a hollywood love story

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face

Prev X2 tags you are so right

“how could you have forgotten that” i forget Everything. unless i remember

I really don't think they should be driving at all, especially on a sprint race weekend, at spa if it's raining and Dilano literally died there this month, I do not want anything happening like that again.

Whoever invented getting out of bed can go to hell

I know it’s like cringe or whatever to care about media unironically but I actually do love when you love a story so much it becomes a part of your soul

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

okay so

• be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
• know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make
• call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)
• to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
• stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long
• have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
• let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
• ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
• be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)
• go and fuck her brother in an alleyway. the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step
• use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
• just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh

yes

i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you

Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?

yes

I wonder why

Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.

asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this

want an update?

ofc you do

but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.

now multiply the awkwardness by 100

first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing

an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:

and as my boyfriend's actual bf:

when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take

sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said

"and uh. why is...he here?"

i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend

:3

i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over

the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss

aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents

update two electric boogaloo ig

i have a girlfriend now🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

I am pro-strike I am pro-union I am pro-workers-getting-their-due I want to be inconvenienced A THOUSAND TIMES if it means people earn enough money

in sixth grade you were either a cucumber melon bitch or a warm vanilla sugar bitch

the fuck does this mean

this is japanese cherry blossom erasure

Hey y'all I still don’t know wtf this means

You’d just have to have been there, I guess

also midnight blossom (or something like that idk) erasure

I was B&BW Cucumber Melon. Then VS Love Spell. Then in college I moved up to The Body Shop’s Moonflower, but I kept bottles of B&BW vanilla and coconut, too.

Pov: you grew up reading weird fantasy in the early 2000s